Make Em So You Can Break Em!

I'm talking about those New Years resolutions everybody makes. Does anybody really follow through on their promises for the coming year? In most cases I'd say no, but every now and then, a few stout-hearted souls will stay the course. I say congrats to those who do, but I've never been very good at keeping them myself. In fact, most of mine don't even make it through the week. Here are a just a few of the things I've resolved over the years that just didn't have a chance. In 1978 I swore that I would quit getting so absorbed in football games to the point that I make myself look like a complete idiot. That one didn't even make it a whole day, as Arkansas stomped Oklahoma in the Orange Bowl 31-6, and I loudly proclaimed Lou Holtz to be the second coming of Knute Rockne and that Roland Sales might be the greatest running back ever to don a set of shoulder pads. And I won't even mention how many grown men I hugged that night. In 1983 I decided I would expand my horizons and learn a second language. Spanish seemed like the logical choice, so I bought a book and a record that both promised to have me speaking fluently in just a matter of weeks. Well I lost the book and broke the record, so at the end of the year the only spanish phrase I knew was "su madre es verde". Nothing wrong with the words but "Your mother is green" just doesn't keep a lot of conversations going. In 1988 I decided to make a concerted effort to quit cussing. Now I'm not a big user of profanity, but sometimes it's really handy when you need to make a point; so how ******* long do you think that one lasted? I really felt good about the resolution in 1995 when I decided that I would save on gas and help my cardiovascular system by riding my bike to work everyday. It was a good idea, but after a few days the winter of 95 hit Southwest Arkansas, and I'm just glad I wasn't a brass monkey. I should tell you that 2004 did bring a resolution I've been able to keep going since I made it. That was the year I vowed to never watch another reality show on television; and I'm very proud of the fact that I'm one of the few people who doesn't know who the survivors are, who got fired, who really is America's idol and who gets the bachelor . And that's a good thing; because if I had to watch them, I'd probably just start cussing.